A friend of mine was describing me to a new acquaintance the other day and decided to tell her some of the impulsive things I've done. It made me laugh remembering this one particular situation, so I'll share.
It was the middle of a super hot FL summer and I was taking the boys to the beach. We had no entertainment budget at the time, so the beach was pretty much it. We're beach regulars and by this time we knew all the best "kid" beaches to go to. Kid beaches are similar to dog beaches. You have to find a beach where you won't bother anyone, where your kids can run, throw sand and scream and where all the other beach patrons can run in a pack with yours and do all the same things. Unlike the dog beach, it's probably illegal at the kid beach to keep the really badly behaving ones on a leash or at least with a muzzle. We found a little hidden spot that fit and had been frequenting it often. This particular day, we turned off the main road onto the small side road. As we passed Lazy Days Resort, a gated community for the rich, tan and wrinkled over the age of 120, I noticed a big sign. 10th anniversary party today, members only.
Without even thinking I turned in and pulled up to the guard gate. I rolled down the window.
Guard: Hi Mam, where's your sticker?
Me: I'm here for the party.
The guard scans my van full of children (this is an over 55 community)
Me: I'm Delores's granddaughter ( in a community of this size, there must be an ample amount of Delori), I'm offering demonstrations on children's first aid and CPR, you know for their grand kids, it's part of the party
Guard: Oh, didn't know they were doin that
Me: (I see a group of women's tap dancers warming up), I'm on after the dancers
Guard: Alright, go ahead then, have fun
They boys are getting excited as we find a parking spot. The entire clubhouse and parking lot have been turned into a Luau complete with a group of hula dancers taking the stage. Worst case scenario, I'll have to do a small demo on how to apply pressure to a bleeding wound (in my beach attire, but that's beside the point). Best case scenario, we lay low, have tons of fun, eat lots of great FREE food, watch some 70 year old hula dancers and party with 400 of my closest friends over the age of 60.
Well, the plan for laying low didn't really work, but I never had to go up on stage either. We were very popular which was a slight problem. Everyone wanted to know who we belonged to. I stuck with random Delores. You know, she lives over there, always gesturing a different direction. When people wanted more information I said things like, you know she has that gray cat, she walks with a cane and drives her golf cart everywhere. I can see from the parking lot that 300 of the 400 guest have driven their golf carts to the party. People seemed to buy it and several people even claimed to know her.
We enjoyed the party atmosphere for several hours and then it was time to eat. Everyone got in line, so we followed. As we neared the front of the line I could see that people were handing tickets to the caterers behind the table. When it was our turn, I said to Gavin, hand the woman our tickets. Gavin looked at me, what tickets? You know the blue food tickets I gave you to hold onto? Gavin's eyes got wide, I don't know. Check your pockets honey. This went on for about 45 seconds before the woman behind the counter insisted we just go ahead and eat. She could hardly stand the thought of Gavin feeling bad about losing the tickets (that we never had). I apologized profusely, dang kids! We had a lovely lunch.
Here's baby Tommy eating a giant hotdog of somesort. In hindsight, probably shouldn't have let him eat this without cutting it up. But I was here for a first aid demo right? Folks, gather around as I demonstrate the Heimlich maneuver.
Afterward, Gavin and Tommy danced while we sat and watched the tappers. We were full, the boys were tired and we'd been entertained. As we said our goodbyes, several of our elderly pals insisted we return next year for the party. I assured them we would, and even considered it briefly. But knew that once the boys told Scott, we would never be allowed to leave the house again. The cater ran up to us as we were about to leave and handed me several containers of left overs. She insisted we bring them home to feed these hungry boys who were just sooooo polite. I thanked her repeatedly and loaded them into the van with all of my first aid demo models.
We loaded up and drove back through the guard gate. The guard waved goodbye and yelled, how'd it go? Great, just great!
This is absolutely hilarious! I can't believe you pulled this off without busting out laughing! Would love to know how that went when you explained to your husband!
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