I hope you get the impression looking at my garden photos that I must be some kind of incredible double green thumb (that is one level about the standard green thumb). This couldn’t be be further from the truth though. I have a reputation for killing everything. I always start out strong and no one could question my intentions, But after about a week of watering and tending every day, I usually start slacking off. Weeding is another sticking point for me. It just usually doesn’t happen. Not that you’d be able to tell any of this from my photos.
Today, feeling a little dishonest, I sorted through my virtual dumpster of reject photos picking out the ones that portrayed the reality of the state of my garden. I remember once as a teenager a discussion between my mom and I. I don’t recall the crime, but I clearly recall the lesson. A lie of omission was equal to telling a regular lie. I remember being irritated because she was right. So today, 15 years later, maybe I will redeem myself by righting a more recent lie of omission. In my previous post I simply omitted any photos of plants I was less than proud of.
I am aware that my blog is no Mckmama or Pioneer Woman, but assuming that somehow I am gracing Martha Stewart’s lap top while she drinks her tea this morning, Martha, please refer to my previous “in the garden today: post and disregard this one. You’d really be quite disappointed in your number one apprentice. Oh, you weren’t aware you had an apprenticeship program? Well you do and I’m your top student, with a lot less money to spend on useless craft supplies, a lot more creativity and a lot more fun than you actually exude. I digress, so for all of my other followers, minus Martha, please enjoy the untouched, all inclusive, more realistic photos of my garden that were not included the other day.
Cleverly hidden behind the photo of the overflowing parsley family was their dead neighbors, the midget corn. Every few weeks I plant corn. According to the instructions on the back of the seed package, I should be harvesting right now. Harvesting what? The two inch long rock hard dried up cob of brown corn? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll just ignore it for awhile longer. My corn has never grown taller than my knee cap. There is a lot of room for error. It could be the lack of water, the proximity to the equator, the abundant amount of weeds or sheer neglect. Regardless, corn is my enemy.
Or how bout my purple cabbage drowning in a sea of crab grass. Yeah, this one didn’t make the cut earlier this week for my in the garden post either. I thought about weeding it while taking photos. I bent down and tried to pull out one of the ropey clumps of grass. It broke in half and I nearly fell. Sorry cabbage, your just gonna have to fight for your own life. Who likes cabbage anyway?
Then there were the grape vines I showed you, so well taken care of that they were even producing bunches of grapes for the first time this season. The fact that they produced grapes had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the grape vine itself and mother nature of course. An active gardener might notice that someone was eating some of the grape leaves and maybe spray them with something, but the lazy gardener would just sigh and hope that the vine has enough leaves to share a few with some hungry bugs.
This was probably the harshest reality. I stepped over this baby watermelon diagnosed with failure to thrive to photograph a perfect beauty the other day. I photographed mama watermelons favorite child, her blossoms and even a budding baby, but most certainly skipped over this black sheep. So here I am humble enough to show you that I have no business claiming to be a master gardener or even a successful one, maybe just an experienced gardener, experienced in lots of failure and a few surprising successes.
I closely cropped my hibiscus so as not to reveal the hibiscus tree trunk currently receiving orthodontic straightening treatments. I wouldn’t have a crooked tree in my garden, not me the valedictorian of Martha’s school of gardeners.
I also failed to share with you the full view of my budding cherry tree planted far too close to my fence. Could it be because the tree is also leaning or because my fence is in dire need of a pressure washing? It just didn’t show my garden in it’s best light and so it was scrapped,
There were the tomatoes that I carefully photographed. Of course, I photographed the ones that were lucky enough to be planted under a trellis. I have about six tomato plants (all purchased from the 90% off rack at Lowes). Only four are fortunate enough to have a trellis of their own. I refuse to pay full price for trellises so I only acquire them when I find them at my favorite thrift stores. Trellises at thrift stores? Sounds kind of random you think? That’s why I only own four and so several of my plants just flop over the edge of the garden feeling sorry for themselves. I did fix this gut the other day with a wooden trellis I found in someone's trash on garbage day and so he is happier. He is not as pretty as the tomatoes with the wrought iron trellises though so he won’t be appearing in any photos any time soon.
I’m not even sure this one requires any explanation. Lazy, tacky gardener with a lack of style. The sad part is, this is on my front porch and has been for several months. Not so attractive I know.
This one really sums it up for me. I love gardening, but really don’t have the time it deserves. I also have four little gardeners who are following in my footsteps of garden neglect. I have two tomato smashers and two lemon pickers that assist in my garden failure. This one made me smile though as I recovered it from the recycling bin. Is it the old hose in the background or the overgrown berry bush or the tetanus risk Tonka dump truck that never seems to make it to the garbage can without a little boy dragging it back out? It may not be Martha but it’s honesty and with that, I am off to bed, not off to weeding or planting or maintaining, off to bed.
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