Think Before You Ask

Gavin, Tommy, Finn and Petey. Four children… better yet… four boys. We just brought our fourth child into the world a few weeks ago. I have finally been able to drag myself to the computer for the first time. In the ninth month of my pregnancy, I found it very irritating when people asked me obvious or stupid questions. I remember one woman in Target putting her hands on my belly, already pushing me over the edge, and then announcing to her family that this was the belly of a mother of twins. Not what you want to hear when you are only carrying one baby. I looked her straight in the eye and calmly said, “Actually it’s triplets.” During the same shopping trip I accidently went through the goth kid’s checkout lane. You know the one with the dyed black hair and the eyeliner. He announced after scanning the new receiving blankets, newborn diapers and nursing pads that he was psychic. He told me that he predicted that very soon I would give birth to a baby. Ya think? I acted offended and told him I wasn’t pregnant. I know this sounds extremely rude but something changes with your patience level when you reach the ninth month of pregnancy. I assured myself that this attitude would soon dissipate with the birth of my new precious bundle.
After the birth, things just seemed to get worse. Trying to manage four children in public is bad enough but can be made even worse when complete strangers have the nerve to ask incredibly personal questions. I have included a short list of my favorite questions and my even more favorite answers to these inappropriate queries.
First and foremost, yes they are all from the same father. I am shocked and appalled that people would even have the nerve to ask. Is this what our world is coming to, when it would be next to impossible to actually have four children by the same father? At least give me the benefit of the doubt. Assume that my husband is their father unless I tell you differently. Please. I sometimes offer the additional tidbit of information that they were all born in wedlock just to add to the shock value.
Do we want to try for a girl? Is this really the appropriate time to ask? Two weeks ago my world got flipped upside down or at least seriously tilted on its side when we brought Petey into our world. I had raising three boys down pat, and then voila, try four. I am pulling my hair out (actually it is starting to fall out on its own) just trying to get through the day and figure out how to bring four boys into Publix to get yet another gallon of milk. We really need to consider getting a cow, but that’s another column. And you want to know if I plan on trying for a girl. For the record, I am not sure, but once again I think this exact moment would be a poor time to give you an accurate answer to that question.
This question is similar to the previous one. Are we trying for a girl now? This one is even more obscene. After the trauma my body has suffered with the last pregnancy and most recently the birth, no we are not trying yet. I let these curious people know that I must actually go back for my six week appointment and get the ok from my doctor before we are allowed to start trying.
Here is my final and favorite question. What are you planning on doing for birth control? Unbelievably this question actually often comes from the general public. I always let these people know that we haven’t decided yet, but when we get ready to we will be holding a meeting and inviting all interested parties to attend to help us make that decision. Or better yet why don’t you come with me to my six week check up and we can both discuss my options with the doctor. Furthermore, maybe we don’t plan on doing anything for birth control.
I try to remain calm in all of the above situations and set a good example for my four little prodigies. If you have ever been guilty of one of the above offenses, the next time you see a brand new mom out in public with her brood please careful consider all questions you may have before asking. Is it possibly an incredibly personal question? Is it inappropriate in nature? Is it in regards to something she should be discussing within a doctor’s office? Remember there are trained professionals out there to handle all these sensitive topics and you are probably not the appropriate person to be asking. Even though you have many questions you are dying to ask, maybe a friendly wave or smile would be more appropriate that anything else.