Finding out I was pregnant with Petey (our fourth), was a shock to say the least. I was scared, overwhelmed but most of all, excited. While I was researching OB doctors, Scott was researching vasectomies. Maybe I am to much of a free spirit or too impulsive, but how could anyone know that they want to, for sure without a doubt, eliminate their chance of ever having a baby again. I know I should be counting my blessings that I have four wonderful healthy boys, but on the other hand, I am not 100% sure I NEVER want to have another child. I had to work pretty hard to talk him out of a vasectomy. I made sure I shared a few "vasectomy gone wrong" horror stories with him. Having a medical background, I was able to explain the procedure step by excruciating step with all the gory details included. What I didn't know, I made up. That shushed him for awhile. I told him this wasn't the right time to make such a permanent decision. It worked, until I delivered baby Petey and reality set in. Four children is really hard (this is a gross understatement). After I went back to work and left him home again, alone with the boys on the weekend, the vasectomy talk came up again. Even though I was no longer in the delirious state of pregnancy I still felt the same way. So we compromised. I would get the five year IUD. When I went to my consultation a few weeks ago my doctor sat me down and showed me all of my options. I really wasn't crazy about any of them. He recommended the Merena IUD. When I asked how effective it was, he explained that it was 99.99999999999% effective (or something like that). I must have shown disappointment. When he asked me why I looked so hesitant I realized something. I was hoping for some kind of very ineffective form of birth control so that Scott would be satisfied but we could accidentally get pregnant again. Crazy I know. After thinking about it for a few days I called back and made the appointment to get the Merena. It was definitely the responsible thing to do, but since when was "responsible" one of my qualities. It isn't and that's why I'm who I am and my family is who we are. I feel a little like the poster child for the "spay and neuter your pets" campaign. If you aren't responsible you could turn out like this crazy family! Today was the day. So, no more "unplanned" babies for five years. It wasn't as bad as I thought and I decided to allow myself this afternoon to sulk and feel bad about it and after that, I am going to find a positive side to focus on. Hopefully in five years I will be of sound mind and will feel like I have made the right decision. Deciding to have the IUD procedure was hard, but actually acknowledging the fact that I will not have anymore babies will be even harder. In the past, when one of the boys grew out of an outfit, it got carefully placed in a big gray Rubbermaid storage bin labeled with the size and placed in the garage waiting for the next boy to grow into them. I have a full wardrobe of little boy clothes from newborn all the way up to 5T. I already have a small pile of clothes that Petey has grown out of and now there is no need to save them for another baby boy. It will be very symbolic the first time I pack up his outgrown clothes get rid of them. As so many people have helped me out and given me clothes, I will do the same and hopefully find another family full of little boys to pass them onto. Well, time to end my pity party. The three big boys are marching through the living room, full of sand, on their way to the bathroom sink to wash their monster trucks. They woke up Petey and he is starting to cry. As I look over at him, I notice that is little yellow duck onesie is awfully tight, this is probably the last day he will ever wear that and the last time I will ever see that outfit on a little baby boy with chunky thighs and chipmunk cheeks. Oh yeah, the pity party ended, I forgot!
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