california

I signed my final papers today for a 17 day California project.  I'm leaving soon.  I planned on breaking this gently to the boys and analyzing their reactions but... in true Scott fashion he told them all while driving them home from religion the other night without me.  I always worry for them and keep information from them and present it gently only when I feel most appropriate.  Not Scott.  He tells it like it is when it happens.  Maybe this is better.  I tend to overthink all things related with my boys anyway.  So now they know and no, they weren't concerned in the least that I was leaving for work again. 

This was comforting to me.  I remember when I was pregnant for the first time.  I wasn't concerned or worried at all for the birth of Gavin.  I remember saying to Scott, "How bad could it really hurt?"  I'm not like those other women, I can handle this.  Then there was the second pregnancy.  I worried about the birth of Tommy and the pain of labor as soon as that pregnancy test confirmed I was pregnant.  There is something significant about going through a traumatic experience the second time around.  You know what's coming, you remember the pain, you agonize over what's to come.  I told Scott that my first trip would be easy to explain to the boys, but it was my second that would be the most telling.  This time around when the boys found out I was leaving I planned on carefully studying their reactions.  They know what it means now when I say I am going to be gone for 17 days.  They've lived it.  But as usual, the thoughts that keep me up at night are my worries and just that, the boys aren't concerned in the least.  I guess that means that Scott and I did an OK job maintaining their little lives the last time we went through this. 

Today I hung up a new paper chain.  This is the chain that hangs in the dining room that signifies how many days are left on my trip.  They cut one off each night after getting off the phone with me and then count the days remaining.  I could see them look up then down taking in just how many links there were.  I was anticipating some groans.  "At least it doesn't touch the floor," was the only comment then they all ran off in a pack to play outside some more.  Phew!

Preparing this time around was much less overwhelming.  So many systems were already in place.  Scott has a fantastic routine he puts the boys through when I am gone and we have been practicing bits and pieces of it this week.  The boys cling to the routine and really find comfort in it.  They enjoy teaching it to me so I let them.  I plan to continue Scott's super routine when I get home this time and try to avoid falling into our oh so casual routine.  I think that would be healthier for them. Scott runs such a tight ship while I'm gone because he has to.  He cannot chance losing control or allowing chaos to reign when he's alone but when I'm home it's a different story.  If the boys go to bed without laying out their clothes or forget to brush their teeth at night Scott knows that I will catch up in the morning.  We are both more casual when we are around each other. 

I plan to leave a suitcase permanently packed next time.  I didn't actually use many of the items I had packed last time while at home.  Today was the first day I actually put on mascara.  I had to take it out of my travel bag?  How sad is that or actually how awesome is that?  The boys don't care how thick my eyelashes look so there's really no need when I'm not working and I love it.  I'm already working on booking my next project after California and it would be great if I could get the prepping down from 1 week to just a few days.  Last time I prepped for two weeks so just needing a week is already a huge improvement. 

I am creating a list of things that need to be done every time I leave so that I don't have to try to remember so much.  I emailed Tommy's teacher requesting his homework for the next two weeks.  I'm not sure where I stand on this.  Last time we had it complete prior to me leaving.  That took a huge to do task off of Scott's to do list.  Let's just say that doing homework with Tommy is not my favorite task these days.  It's like trying to make a fly land on your finger.  Lots of chasing around the house, reminding, focusing, reigning in, redirecting and hand holding.  I do not want to put that on Scott if I don't have to so I am trying to come up with alternatives.  One thought is to make copies of the homework so that I can help him via Skype.  This may be a twist he'd enjoy or maybe he would just get up and leave and I would be left staring at an empty computer chair frustrated.  I don't know but plan to come up with some ideas in the coming days.

I still plan to scale back all extra-curriculars while I'm gone.  This worked well last time and seems to take the pressure off everyone.  The freezer is stocked with bachelor food for them that require little effort and maximum calories.  They are looking forward to this.  The dog will go away to Miss Tammie's again to give Scott one less little boy to look after. 

I will allow myself to be excited about California once I get on the plane but for now I need to focus on everyone at home and get as prepared as possible. This includes actually getting a good night's sleep so good night!