and so I'm a nurse

I woke up this morning a nurse. 

"What an accomplishment," so many have said to me in reference to passing my boards.  I feel a little funny about that.  Deciding to go to nursing school was probably the most selfish decision I've ever made.  My family suffered, my marriage was stressed, my children were probably borderline neglected, my Miss Tammie (daycare) was used and abused.  I was a less productive employee, a short tempered mom and a self centered wife while in the program.  So, thanks for the compliment, but in true Grammy style, this compliment really goes out to those poor unfortunate souls who had to endure my wrath while I trudged through the nursing program.

Thank You Scott for allowing me to pursue something that took up so much of my time and our money and required you to own the laundry and dishes and the mop.  You have been an incredible driving force.  Even when it would have been easier and better for all of us, you never let me quit.  You ignored the mess in my van that comes with living life between the classroom and clinicals and the hospital seven days a week.  I would have never made it through this without you.  Thank you.

Thank You Miss Tammie for opening your front door at 4:45 am and inviting us in and helping me build nests for the boys on your sofa.  You were my saving grace last semester when I was pulled into the office and warned that if I missed more than 6 minutes of class I would be dismissed form the program.  You took my boys through step throat, twice and once with pink eye.  I also recall dropping off Tommy one day with a gaping wound on his forehead.  "Call me if you can't get the bleeding to stop."  We would have been kicked out of a traditional daycare long ago.  The entire time you were going through a complicated pregnancy yourself and dealing with far more drama than you ever deserve.  Who was that woman that dropped off her kids just so she could go to some stupid class everyday?  Yeah sorry, that was me.

Employer who will remain nameless.  Thank you for looking the other way when I had my text books out studying the stupid endocrine system.  Thank you for allowing me to study while on the clock every day.  I even recall a certain charge nurse who shut down an ICU room for the day in order to allow me to glitter and glue my ADHD project.  I owe you printer toner and paper and probably a glue stick or two.  There were many days when my dinner was a left over patient tray because I was far to busy to cook.  I would have never passed a test if I didn't have real patients to play with or real nurses brains to pick or real doctors willing to let me assist them a the bedside.  In spite of my lack of productiveness some days you hung on to me and looked the other way all in hopes of me finally graduating and coming full circle to become a nurse. 

Thank you Father Mac for excusing me from mass each Sunday.  I was racked with guilt until one day you saw me in the ICU and said to me, "Don't feel guilty for a minute about not being at church on Sundays.  While we are there at mass talking about GOD's work, you are here doing GOD's work."  You're excused.  Thank you.  Also thank you little communion ladies who came to the ICU every Sunday to bring communion to the patients.  You would seek me out and administer my weekly dose of communion and insist that I pray with you (in the hallway, or patient room or nurse's lounge).  I have no doubt that you played a part in my surviving the program.  GOD probably listens to the prayers of little ladies like you.  Thank you for including me in some of them.

Thank you Mom for picking up your phone sometimes three times a day to allow me to vent, being my ethical sounding board, patting my back and laughing at my latest class pranks.  Even from 1,200 hundred miles away, I still wanted nothing more than to get off the school bus and pull a report card full of A's out of my backpack.  Thank you for holding me accountable.  Without your perseverance, the boys would still be behind on their immunizations and Finn wouldn't have been screened and signed up for speech therapy yet.  For the record, Miss Hewitt did not call today with his busing schedule, I will follow up with her this afternoon, because I know you're gonna ask me.  Even though you may not understand the Kreb's cycle or the care about metabolic acidosis, you were sympathetic when I complained about having to learn them them.  I love knowing that I can call you and tell you it was a bad day.  No details required, I only had to talk about it if I want to.  Scott wants details and plans and resolutions and analysis and sometimes I don't have the energy to rehash it or any desire to.  You take what I give and don't demand answers.  Many of our conversations involved me talking BLAH BLAH BLAH and you just listening.  I think I would have stabbed my eye out with my tuberculin syringe if I didn't know that no matter how awful this clinical day was, at the end I could walk out to my van and dial you up and dump it on you.  If you ever need to vent, call me, I think I owe you a few hundred hours.

Thank you co-students for putting up with my endless sense of humor.  Laughter is one of my favorite coping mechanisms.  For those of you who may have found yourself urinating in the men's bathroom when suddenly all lights were shut off,  I apologize.   The thought of you in there alongside a perfect stranger with you pants undone groping around to find your way out...  The giggles I got from that were therapeutic.  If you ever arrived home and opened your backpack only to find the classroom clock or part of the colon mannequin, again, sorry. 
You were all so encouraging when I hit the wall, we all took our turns.  Most of you were accepting when I laid down the disclaimer that I was a terrible friend too.  I'm not a reliable texter of facebooker, I will only show up to roughly one out of every ten invites and I lose touch really quickly.  But you all put up with me despite my numerous faults including allowing me to compete with you even though you didn't really want to compete with me.  I am a better nurse because of all you. 

To my nursing instructors:  I would like to thank you, but I'm not really ready for that.  I'm still suffering from a little post traumatic stress disorder.  I'm a nurse now and for that I'm thankful, but quite frankly, you were less than understanding and more than a little frustrating. 
My boys, my dear sweet boys.  Thank you for.....  Hmmmmm.... I can't thank you for allowing me to become a nurse, because you would have stopped me if you could have.  I guess I really want to say sorry.  You all suffered to a certain extent and I'm sorry mommy didn't decide to be a traditional college student and graduate before I got married and brought all of you into this world.  But that would have required planning and if I was a real planner, you probably wouldn't even exist.  So I'm just sorry.  You all seem to have made it through OK even though there were some close calls. 

A short list of items that I had to Forgo during the nursing program include but are not limited to the following:  Immunizations, PTA meetings, 1 parent teacher conference, the Seder dinner at church (count your blessings, parsley does not taste good), the occasional signing of the student planner, countless birthday party invites, career day, the Turkey Trot, yearly physicals, one dental cleaning. 

I didn't always chose to skip those things, but was required by a program that I did chose to enter.  It's your time now.  Mommy is not going to go to school for ANYTHING in the near future.  It's your turn now to be my priority again and believe me I'm paying for it.  Swim practice five nights a week, meets on the weekends, a birthday party for a friend this weekend and lots of quality time at the cottage. 

Elliott my dear old orange cat.  On several occasions you got a bit hungry and went for some periods with no water.  But do understand that is is difficult to water you often when you will only drink running water.  Also in my defense, the toilet is always open and I know I've seen you drink from it so don't pretend that you were ever actually that dehydrated.  I also let your shots slip by and for that I apologize.  I will try to fit you in here one of these days.  Thank you for being my late night study buddy and for keeping my lap warm everytime I sat down to study.  We spend many dark nights at the kitchen table making drug cards.  Thanks.

To all those innocent bystanders who endured my short temper and lack of patience.  This will include but again not be limited to:

Chatty bus stop girl
Chatty bus stop girl's mother
The school choice office
The IRS
The local Sheriffs department
Over zealous seven eleven employee
School bookkeeper Miss Bell (although you know you weren't actually innocent either)
Crabby little aggressive woman in Target who snapped at my boys


And anyone else that I may have lost my temper with or failed to give the utmost respect to:
I apologize.

You have all suffered over the last year, and so this morning I wake up as a nurse.