Friday, August 14, 2009

Lets get Glasses




So we've had vision insurance for over three years and haven't used it. With the economy in the state it's in I have taken a long hard look at all the resources I currently have and have been making sure I am taking full advantage of all of them. So I decided to finally use the insurance. It was quite a process picking an office from the endless list of accepted doctors. A friend recommended a local office so I called to make four appointments. I figured Finn and Petey were still too young to be screened. I wanted to make all four appointments on the same day. Of course this was against office policy. When I asked the receptionist why she explained that if we failed to show up for our appointment, the entire office would have nothing to do for those four hours. After some thought and a look at our history I realized she had a good point. I settled for two at a time. Tommy and I would go first and then Scott and Gavin later. The receptionist did give me one really good idea. She suggested I go to the website and print out all the new patient paperwork so that I could have it filled out ahead of time. I think I still have a blister from filling out four health history sheets on each person. Tommy could hardly wait. The day finally came and I thought I was really prepared. I woke up early and packed the little boys up to go to Miss Tammie's. I actually left the house 15 minutes earlier that required. I put everyone in the van, took roll call and then glanced at the clock. What? There must have been a time warp between the kitchen and van clocks. I glanced at my cell phone and confirmed, we were late again. I called Miss Tammie to let her know it was going to be a "drive by" drop off. She confirms and says, I'll meet you with my truck so you don't have to drive all the way to my house (this is why a real daycare won't work for me). We agree on a location. I arrive a minute early than she does so I get the kids out of their seats. Finn is playing with the big boys shoes, trying them all on. Miss Tammie pulls up, I throw her the back pack and the little boys (along with Gavin's right shoe on Finn's foot, I'll notice this later). We peel out of the driveway not slowing down for the speed bumps (this could be why I have a bent rim). Anyway, we're off to the eye doctor. I call ahead to let them know we're running late. I explain that got caught up in some construction traffic. This is a great excuse, we had good intentions and it wasn't our fault. I take the back way thinking it's a short cut, come around the corner and run directly into some road construction. As the man holds up his little red stop sign, I realize this is exactly what I deserve for lying. He changes his sign from stop to slow and I think yeah right and race past him. I fly into the parking lot and start to circle the plaza. On my second circle I start to think, I can't find this place and I have 20/20 vision. What if I had a cataract or was blind in one eye, I would definitely need a seeing eye dog just to find this place. On the third circle I actually see it. There's a microscopic sign over the door. It's busy. We park and I whip open the van doors. I snap at the boys to grab their shoes and run. I wait and wait and wait. What's going on in there. Tommy appears with his shoes on but Gavin remains in the van with his head under the back seat. He can't find his shoe. I start ripping the van apart looking for shoes. We manage to find three left shoes but no pairs. We are now 15 minutes late for our appointment. I instruct Gavin to pick one of the left shoes, put it on and follow me. He's very concerned that he only has one shoe on. I tell him to be discreet. He is even more concerned that he doesn't know what discreet means. I give him a ten second explanation and show him different body positions to use to cover up the fact that he is missing one shoe. He doesn't seem convinced but we have no choice. I fling open the front door and we bust through into the waiting room. Gavin is side stepping to hide his sock foot. I'm out of breath and Tommy is loudly asking questions x-ray vision. I quickly realize that this is a very upscale office. I'm under dressed and the boys have never been to an etiquette class. I try to blend in (not possible) as we walk to the front desk. We wait behind a mother and son. The son's name is Benjamin Carrington the third. I'm not joking. After a very uncomfortable few minutes it's our turn. I tell her our names but call Tommy, Thomas ,middle and last name, the seventh. She doesn't get the joke and announces to the rest of the office that the lady that was late is here. In hopes of redeeming myself for putting the entire office 20 minutes behind, I hand her my paperwork already filled out. I'm hoping she's impressed; she isn't. With an annoyed look, she tells us to sit down. I survey the room, we either have to sit next to the woman with the patch over her eye or Benjamin Carrington the third and his mother's Coach purse. I decide to throw caution to the wind and sit next to the patch lady, after all she's probably answered lots of pirate questions before. Gavin sits next to her and carefully crosses his legs so that his shoe foot is in the front. I wink at him. Tommy selects a TIME magazine and climbs up next to Gavin all the while keeping an eye on the patch. To my relief, we are quickly called back. First we have some pictures of our eyes taken. This is fairly uneventful. After this we are escorted to our examine room. I notice the woman glance at Gavin's sock foot . She doesn't comment, so I offer no explanation. In the room Tommy sits in the examine chair first. Gavin and I share the chair in the corner. It's about 60 degrees in the office, conveniently they have a blanket laying over the back of the of the chair. Gavin sees this as a perfect opportunity, he takes the blanket and wraps it around his sock foot. Good cover up, I'm sure this won't draw any extra attention. I try to keep Gavin from calling out all the correct answers as Tommy bombs the vision test. I make sure to praise Tommy at the end of each test. It's so sad to see him get all the answers wrong. I'm worried about his self esteem but then it gets worse. The doctor asks, "how long has he had that droopy eyelid? Me: Droopy eyelid, what droopy eyelid? Doctor: His right one. Me: I never noticed it, I still don't see it. Doctor: It won't affect anything medically, but we can do surgery to correct it cosmetically. Me: OK, I'll keep an eye on it. Now it's my turn. I instruct both boys to share the waiting chair while I sit in the examine chair. I always had great vision but over the last two years it has started declining. The doctor explained that pregnancy and nursing can affect vision temporarily and possible permanently. He asks if I have recently been breast feeding or pregnant. I laugh. Only the last seven years. The boys laugh and laugh as I miserably fail the vision test. I want to point out to droopy eye that he didn't do so hot himself but I let him enjoy the laugh. Lord knows he won't have many happy moments in his life living with the droopy eye. I look at him across the room again to asses the drooping. I swear I don't notice it. I decide if they ask again if I'm interested in surgery I'll tell them I'm just going to buy a patch. Do they sell them? What colors are they available in? The doctor is very kind and writes us out two prescriptions. H doesn't mention the cosmetic surgery again but we both need glasses. Tommy is thrilled, he can't wait to pick out a pair. Next we are escorted back out into the waiting area, this time Gavin limps. His cover ups are getting worse and worse. Back in the snooty waiting area I am offered a cup of tea. I've never had tea and don't really want to try any today so I decline. Tommy lets the receptionist know he'll take a cup of coffee. I'm humiliated. I smile and try to distract him. Gavin has now forgotten about his shoe issue and is laughing hysterically as he tries on the women's glasses. Tommy makes a beeline for the sports goggles. I quickly round them up and sit down to wait for the glasses fitter lady. She starts with Tommy. She has him try on several pairs commenting on all of them, too large for his face, wrong color for his eyes, too strong for his features etc... Thankfully she does not comment on his droopy eye. She finally finds the perfect pair for him. She has him show me and then asks my opinion. I approve. She turns her back to Tommy and motions for me. I look her way and she bends the glasses in half. She lets go and they immediately spring back into their original position. Then she says to me. These are good for the more rambunctious ones. I like to show the parents this feature, but I never show the kids. I like her. Next she fits Gavin for glasses. The entire time, Gavin is standing on one foot, the shoe foot. Again, not really very effective, but he's really putting a lot of effort into it. I explained to her that Gavin was coming in next week for his appointment. She thought Tommy and Gavin were getting glasses, not Tommy and I. Gavin was very disappointed as I corrected her. She filled out the paperwork for Tommy and then turned to me. What style do you have in mind for yourself? I think to myself, something slightly frumpy, loud and preferably a trend or two behind. I smile and say I'd like to stick with something "smart casual". Heard this on a wedding invitation not long ago and liked the sound of it. The lady nods and gathers up a few frames. She tries several on me and stands back to analyze. She grimaces at a few and then claims to have picked out the perfect pair. She seems satisfied and I actually do like them. They're copper colored and have a little bit of sparkle. I agree these are the perfect pair and we move on to the paper work to order them. She offers me about 14 different upgrades. I look over toward the front desk and see droopy eye and the one legged boy talking to the receptionist. Tommy is requesting coffee again. Where did this come from? I quickly let the glasses lady know that I'll stick with whatever upgrades my insurance covers. I quickly walk across the waiting room as Tommy helps himself to two cookies sitting next to the tea pot. I make our co pays and we are given our disposable "I've just been dilated" sunglasses. I breath a sigh of relief, we've made it. I open the front door and step out into the blazing sun, I immediately start digging for the ridiculous glasses. I feel like a vampire as the sun burns my eyes. Tommy has already figured his out. I fumble to open mine. Gavin is very interested and wants to wear some. I decide he was such a good sport about the one shoe so he deserves them. We cross the parking lot back to our car me squinting but relieved to have made it through the appointment, Gavin hopping on one foot to avoid burning his sock foot on the blacktop and Tommy proudly prancing and sporting his new disposable glasses.




A little update, the appointment was two days ago and he is still wearing the disposable glasses. He has also figured out that they fit the cat. When he is not wearing them on his face he has been clipping them to his shorts.

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