There are two versions of every situation I get our family into. There’s the Norman Rockwell version I drum up in my head and then there’s the raw real and far less appealing version that plays out in real life. There’s a reason there isn’t an artist following my family around to paint these scenes.
The one time each year where I insist on capturing a shot of all four boys together is at Christmas. Actually, it’s mid November in an effort to send out early Christmas cards. Despite taking photos early, I’ve yet to actually get them sent out early, ever. Every time I add one more boy to the shot, it gets harder and harder to ensure that they are all acting in an acceptable fashion at the time I click the camera.
I had a vision the other day of a serene photo shoot in the sprawling Banyan trees at the Edison house. I’d probably take about 15 shots and have about 10 great ones to choose from later. People would walk by and marvel at my photography skills and the sheer cleverness of my boys and I. A modeling agent may even stroll up and drop off a business card or two. We’d be out of there in less than 10 minutes, all holding hands and laughing on our way back to the truck. Ummmmmmm…..WRONG
Other scenarios that have played out so well in my head but not so well in real life are as follows:
Puppies….. twice
I failed to imagine the poop, the pee, the trips to the vet, teething and the endless responsibility.
The Picadilly circus…
I failed to read the fine print that admitted to uncomfortable, unsafe seating, possible carbon monoxide poisoning, 120 degree tent and actual circus staff of only 5.
Navigating the boat by moonlight after watching midnight fireworks on New Year’s…
I forgot to include the fog, the cold, the disappearing moon, the ghost ship that almost killed us and the feeling of sailing through the Bermuda triangle.
Scheduling all four boys physicals for the same day…
I forgot to include 4 co pays, 4 very short attention spans, long wait times and the miniscule size of the treatment rooms.
Road trips to Wisconsin (28 hours each way)
Funny I didn’t daydream about the gas bill, accidently drinking urine from the makeshift Gatorade urinal, and the belly ache you get from staying up all night drinking caffeine
Bringing any one of mine with me to work
Funny I didn’t daydream about them playing loud video games on my cubicle computer, using the bathroom and not flushing or washing their hands only to have a coworker go in after them, them stapling their finger.
Black Friday shopping with the boys…
I do love a challenge but didn’t picture finding our items in 60 seconds only to wait in line for 60 minutes and then waiting another 60 minutes just to get out of the parking lot.
Purchasing a new washing machine after ours broke and telling the clerk it was ok that it was backordered. We can survive for 26 days without a washer…
I do love a challenge, but didn’t picture hauling loads of dirty laundry with me wherever I go begging to use people’s washers and then hauling 6 laundry baskets of wet clothes home so that my dryer could run 16 hours straight. I didn’t picture that any of our boys actually had poop accidents anymore and I didn’t picture throwing these clothes out because it’s bad enough to ask to borrow your washer, but to have to ask to borrow your washer to wash my poop pants is another story all together.
I’m not sure why I am such an optimist yet. I keep dreaming up ideas in my little peanut brain and imagining this perfect family that I have and all of the perfect things will do. As usual, things have a way of going awry. In these situations, I try to find the silver lining and salvage whatever leftovers have any value many times losing some dignity, modesty, money and sometimes a boy child or two in the process.
After editing and re editing, this was the only keeper and it doesn’t even include Petey. Pretty typical these days. Most of you didn’t actually ever receive one of these this year. I may consider posting an online Christmas letter in the near future but the paper version just never made it to print this Christmas. Once again, not quite how I imagined it would work out but how I should have expected it to.
