not me monday

Oh my my, it's been far to long and the confessions are piling up higher than I can handle.  Here goes, lets clear the air and wipe the slate clean.

I did not convince Scott to let us get a DVR this month, that wouldn't be right, we never watch TV in our family.  I’m most certainly did not already program it to record every episode of The Beekman Boys, because what could possibly be entertaining about two gay city men buying a goat farm without any farming experience?  That would just be bizarre.

I would never be fantasizing about adopting this year.  Our house is way too small and we already have far too many children.  Do you think we're nuts?  You definitely won't see me at the adoption orientation meeting on Tuesday night at the Lutheran church.

I do not have three boys with nice short haircuts and one eight year old with ridiculously long hair because he insists I have to pay him $20 to cut his hair.  Even if I did have said son, his hair wouldn't remain uncut simply because I really don't have $20.  I have more money than I know what to do with, you know that.

A brief update on the previous confession.  It wasn’t Gavin and I who spent the evening locked in my bathroom with the computer and the razor.  I would never let my son convince me to give him a faux hawk.  That would be far too punky, we are conservatives.  Even if I did, I would never watch a “how to give yourself a faux hawk” video while cutting his hair. 

An update on the update.  Who would ever have a dream about a photograph to show off his new haircut and then actually attach said son to the clothes line to recreate the dream.  That wasn’t me who posted a laundry day blog entry with photo of his sharp new haircut.

I did not drive part of the way home this week with a twin mattress on top of my van.  That must have been some other silver mini van with the word ass scratched into the passenger side door.

I didn't go to the $3 car wash this week like I always do just to take advantage of their "vacuum as long as you want" feature.  Assuming I did go here, I would never allow any two year olds to operate any of the vacuum hoses themselves and I would never plug three of their vacuums in the process of sucking up french fries and a moldy apple.  Who would do that?

I didn't go to the thrift store this week and pick up a Shark sweeper for $2.50 so the boys could have fun sweeping the floor.  What kind of a mom do you think I am.  I always sweep the floor myself, I don't require any of my princes to do any work.

And lastly, the pictured toilet in the driveway does not belong to me.  My small well behaved boys would never flush a stick of deodorant down a toilet and jam it so bad it would have to be thrown out.  What kind of a family do you think we are?